


nativity (like a boss)

by whatshouldntbe



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire, Alternate Universe - No Werewolves, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gender Issues, Kids, M/M, Mpreg, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Derek Hale, Omega Stiles Stilinski, Pregnant Stiles, Slight References to Intersexuality, Time Skips, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-04-29 13:42:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5129759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatshouldntbe/pseuds/whatshouldntbe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Derek keeps trying to get me to push,” Stiles complains as soon as the camera’s focused on him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	nativity (like a boss)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [leetje](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leetje/gifts).



> 2) I'm absolute trash for Omegaverse mpreg fics (as requested-ish)
> 
> *I'm so sorry if this turned out to be literal trash. :(

**Tuesday – November 1**

**2:45 am**

“Good morning everyone, no matter if it is for you or not,” Stiles announces as he watches Derek attach his camera to the dashboard of their car with a prominent frown. “My wonderful husband Derek will be in control of the camera for some portions of this entry. So while he struggles with that, I’m going to do what I do best, which is ramble.”

Derek snorts.

Stiles shoots him a look and sticks out his tongue. He continues, “For any of my new followers or watchers, my name is Stiles Stilinski-Hale, I’m a twenty-six year old Omega that has been vlogging my life ever since I’ve inherited my second gender when I was fourteen. If you ever in a hostage situation and have so many hours to kill until they negotiate, you can backtrack and watch my countless awkward transitions from the beginning. Most of you have been there for my highs and lows, and I’m always grateful for the following I’ve managed to gain for it. I’m closely approaching 11.8 million followers and that’s just such an amazing thing, I can’t even begin to say. Babe, do you – is it set up?”

Derek just grunts and pulls away, turning to Stiles to make sure he’s properly buckled in.

“That’s Derek speak for yes. I had to guilt trip him into being on camera with me. Many of you know he hates the spotlight, which is crazy right? He’s gorgeous.” Stiles waits until Derek pulls away and settled back in his seat. Then he says, “It is the ass crack of dawn, my fingers and toes are a little numb. It’s still pretty dark out, unsurprisingly, but I actually like this time of morning, you know, when it’s just amazingly hushed and deserted. This way we can really cruise and take our time. I bet you’re wondering what’s going on. Well, let’s just say we’re on our way to, yes you guessed it, the hospital.”

Derek starts the car and begins reversing from their garage

“I’m extremely excited. And nervous,” Stiles confesses as he presses his hands to his rounded stomach. “Our first baby is set to arrive very shortly. Are you excited?”

Derek nods wordlessly but he keeps his eyes on the road.

“It’s so empty out,” Stiles comments as they look around. “It’s so weird. And kinda creepy. I don’t like it but I do like it.”

Derek mutters something and shifts in his seat.

“He’s still waking up,” Stiles says as he touches his hand to Derek’s beard. “I love that you didn’t shave. You are going to look so hot when you hold our baby.”

Derek turns his head and pretends to try and chomp at Stiles’s fingers.

“So Derek and I have been trying for a while, and when I say trying, I mean we’d been _trying_. I know a lot of people say that Omega-Omega pairings are so taboo and dysfunctional and an act against nature, but you have to also consider the fact that society has always operated under the wrong assumptions,” Stiles explains as he glances back and forth from the camera to the road and to Derek. “I believe the kind of love my husband and I share should be acknowledged with as much respect as society gives to Alpha-Omega pairings, or Beta-Alpha pairings. I think people who wanted to be in a relationship with their own second genders should be allowed to make that decision, no matter what they say about the biology or physiology of the relationship. It’s my belief, and has always been my belief that nature always makes a way, no matter the situation.”

“This is the same speech he gave me on our first date,” Derek chimes with a fond grin. “I think he was scared I was going to rethink the whole thing and back out of dating him just because we were both Omegas.”

“I had trouble with that in the past! Not far fetched. People like to look at you sideways when you explain you’re not attracted to Alphas or Betas. Like I have something wrong with me,” Stiles argues but he shrugs cheerily. “You hear that, kids? There’s nothing wrong with you. You love who you love even if biology or society tries to tell you anything different. Don’t let the assholes keep you from being true to who you really are.”

Derek wordlessly nods in agreement.

“I don’t think I meant to go there,” Stiles muses as he looks to Derek. “But I am going to say one last thing, to prove a point and offer some encouragement to couples who are in our similar situation.” He looks back to the camera. “So Derek and I dated for a couple months before we decided to get married because we just knew that our relationship was written in the stars—”

“He literally said that during our wedding vows,” Derek remarks.

“— _so_ naturally we came against some opposition. Our family and friends were supportive, but not at first. I think they thought it was a fluke too. I mean family and friends always mean the best but whatever. Anyway, we got married, and we’ve been that way for six years now.”

“Happily.”

Stiles grins widely. “Ecstatic,” he agrees. “We actually talked about having kids while we were on our honeymoon, but we knew the timing wasn’t right. So we moved around a bit, looking for the perfect house to start our family, which we found last year. You can find that video if your interested. But um, we also wanted to have our respective careers in order, you know, the scheduling and everything. Derek is a grant writer for wildlife preserves, the best in all of California, if I can take a second to brag.”

Derek pretends to dust off his shoulder with a smirk.

Stiles laughs. “Oh my god, I love you so much, you dork.” He giggles. “Seriously, he’s done so much for Mother Nature, I swear that if he looked out into the sky and asked for chocolate rain, it would totally happen.”

“I hope you don’t think that’s a thing,” Derek comments as he snorts and pulls into a gas station. “Chocolate rain is something _you_ would ask for anyway. I’m going to fill up, will you be okay?”

“I’m fantastic—and that _totally_ is a thing,” Stiles replies, and watches as Derek scoffs and climbs out of the car. He looks to the camera. “Okay, maybe he wouldn’t ask for chocolate rain. He’d probably request something a little more environmentally friendly.” He licks his lips and shrugs. “Back to the point though, that’s what he does. What I do, outside of vlogging, is write. I’m well on my way to publishing my first book, I just have a few loose ends to tie up. Basically it’s me examining the evolution of second-genders and the subsequent roles that they play today. I believe we’re steadily evolving when it comes to second-genders, and that we never stopped, especially when you consider the fact that we're all born intersex and it's our second-gender that determines our role in society. I want to present the world with a new perspective, that’s all. So that’s taken me a long while to finish, since I started during my senior year of high school, and I’ve accumulated a lot of research. I had to, because as they say, in order for you to even contribute successfully to your field of work, you have to have at least ten years of knowledge on the subjectivity.” He takes a moment to quietly count on his fingers.

Derek settles back into the car, turning it on again as he looks at his husband with an amused frown. “Are you trying to do math?”

“Yes,” Stiles says distractedly. “So yeah, I was about seventeen when I started my book, and I’m twenty-six now. Damn, I’m like right on the mark. Ten years.”

Derek begins driving again.

“So, Derek and I had our careers in order, we had our dream house, which is a five bedroom two story, again you have to check the video for that. I’m extremely proud of my interior-decorating prowess during that whole process. Um, what else? We have so much love to give, and yeah, as soon as we settled in we started trying.” Stiles pauses and shifts in his seat. “Of course, people tried to discourage us from doing so because they’d go on and on about how Omega-Omega pairings have an almost five percent success rate when it comes to conception.”

“They definitely didn’t understand how determined Stiles can be when he puts his mind to something,” Derek remarks fondly.

“No idea,” Stiles agrees. “We had to keep switching doctors because a lot of them weren’t even trying to help us. But thankfully we found the right one, and she gave us the best advice. She said she disagreed with the statistics of same second-gender pairings. She believed it was possible if you took the right approach. So she told us to try switching.”

“Which only made him competitive,” Derek comments.

Stiles grins. “He’s saying it like he’s not equally competitive. Like he didn’t use to brag that his inner walls were like a sponge. Remember that? You did the whole ‘eyebrows of doom’ and showed me this PowerPoint presentation about your male cervix and shit.”

Derek blushes.

Stiles laughs but grabs his hand and kisses the back of it. “No, I loved it, I did. I’m teasing. I still have it saved. I watch it when I have writer’s block. Kiss me.” He hums pleasantly when they stop at a redlight and Derek kisses him until he turns as pink as he is. He pulls away and Stiles is wearing a dopey grin. “So, back to the story of how we made the baby. I wont go into detail because I don’t think my husband would appreciate me getting all graphic. But so there we were, rotating to see who get’s pregnant first. I work my dick on him and then he works his dick on me. Of course that turns into a competition too because it’s like, which one of us can get the other pregnant faster? Obviously, I won with the getting pregnant,” he says as he puts Derek’s hand on his stomach. “And he won with getting me pregnant.”

Derek smiles softly and rubs his belly without taking his eyes off the road. “We both won,” he points out.

“Oh yeah, thanks to your magical dick,” Stiles drawls teasingly and jumps with a laugh when Derek pinches his thigh. “I think the best thing about it is when we mailed out the ultrasound pictures to all our haters.”

“He means our friends and family who didn’t really think we could pull it off," Derek elaborates with a shake of his head. “He even made me mail copies to all our previous doctors.”

“Totally worth it,” Stiles swears as he looks at the camera and shifts his eyebrows. “So, you know, let this be the encouragement you need if you and your partner want to start a family but people keep telling you it’s not going to happen. I have a bed soaked in baby goo that would beg to differ.”

“That’s his way of saying his water broke,” Derek clarifies as he yawns.

“Oh, don’t do that. Get excited, daddy! The arrival of Baby Stilinski-Hale is nigh,” Stiles complains, but he ends up yawning too. “Ugh, you loser. You see what you made me do?”

Derek laughs but rubs Stiles’s stomach affectionately.

“My water broke all over the bed. I thought I peed myself. But it came out too thick, you know, like egg yolk. I mean, I remember feeling it leaking out, so I shook Derek awake, and I said, either I’m peeing on myself or my water is breaking.” Stiles rolls his eyes and says, “Naturally, he’s half-asleep and he just tells me to go to the bathroom but when I got up, it was like a gush of water just came out. Oh yeah, I’m going to get graphic with you guys, so if you have a weak stomach, you may want to exit stage left now.”

“And if you're pregnant, or your partner’s pregnant, Stiles will make sure to let you know what you’re in for,” Derek assures. “He waddled to the bathroom and kept shouting how it didn’t feel like pee, but like the consistency of oil.”

“So, apparently it starts with a trickle,” Stiles adds. “And then I guess gravity does the rest? All you baby veterans out there can totally comment below to tell me if you’ve experienced the same. Before we even went to bed, I mentioned to him that my stomach kept tightening. But it didn’t, like, hurt or anything, so I figured it was just the premature labor pains I’d been having. Early contractions aren’t uncommon, my doctor told me as much. She called them something.”

“Braxton hicks,” Derek supplies. “Dr. Morrell says it’s like fake labor.”

“Yeah. It still doesn’t feel bad now,” Stiles goes on to say. “I mean I’m kind of worried, cause it feels too easy right now, but I guess I won’t know until I know. Oh, we’re here!”

Derek’s pulling into the hospital garage and they’re parking as close to the elevators as possible.

“I’m going to grab the camera. Derek’s going to grab all my junk,” Stiles says, and he leans forward to free his camera from all it’s trappings. “You’re about to get all close and personal with my ugly mug.”

“Not ugly,” Derek mutters from the backseat. “I hate when you joke like that.”

Stiles smiles and says, “I know. Which is why I do it cause that’s how I fish for compliments.”

“You don’t _need_ to fish, Stiles,” Derek retorts.

“So, Derek is grabbing the baby bag, along with our overnight bag.” Stiles aims the camera at Derek. “As you can see, we have the car seat set up in the back, because they won’t let you go home with the baby otherwise. Um, I feel like with the baby bag, it’s your choice. I’ve heard you don’t have to bring, like, diapers or wipes or anything like that. Just clothes for them to go home in. Then you want to make sure that you and your partner have clothes for yourself. Personally, I’ve brought my favorite robe and slippers. I also brought my favorite pillow. Babe, show them my pillow.”

Derek readjusts the bags to expose a blue and orange body pillow.

“That’s so awesome. Okay, now it’s time for me to get out,” Stiles says, and moves the camera around as he unbuckles his seat.

Derek rounds the car to help him out.

Stiles stretches with a groan and cups a hand on the underside of his round belly. He picks up the camera and grabs his body pillow from his husband. “Okay, so I just got super, super excited because this is really happening. In a few hours or more or whatever, we will have the most perfect little being in our arms. I think I cooked this one perfectly. Are you excited?”

“I’m extremely excited,” Derek promises, pressing his hand to Stiles’s lower back to guide him in the right direction. “I just really want to get you off your feet.”

“You and me both,” Stiles agrees as they step into the elevator. He aims the camera at the plastered picture of a male doctor. “Oh my god, look at that skin. He has flawless skin. Isn’t his skin flawless?”

Derek hums, humoring him.

“Yo bro, you got some sick skin, dude,” Stiles says, zooming in on the guy’s face. “And kind eyes. I would not be opposed to seeing that between my legs.”

“Watch it,” Derek murmurs in the background.

Stiles laughs and the camera shakes a little. “I don’t mean like that, Der. I want him to help me have our baby. Don’t you want him to help us deliver our baby?” He aims the camera to Derek.

Derek’s face is twisted with a mock-serious scowl. “Not anymore.”

“Awe, you get so green jello over me. I love it,” Stiles says from behind the camera.

Derek sighs and shakes his head. “Goes to show how into you I am. I’m about to fight a picture for your honor.”

Stiles laughs and shifts the camera around so it’s facing him. “Okay, ya’ll. We have to do all the boring paperwork and stuff. I’m not going to make you suffer through it. As soon as we make past triage and to our room, I’ll bring you back. I have to make sure having a camera is okay, and get them to sign some documents of my own that I brought. Consent is important. Okay. See you in a minute.”

**4:15 am**

“Oh my god, you guys,” Stiles complains as soon as the camera is back on. He’s lying propped up in a hospital bed, with his pillow behind him while he’s hooked up to some monitors. “Derek has the camera because I can’t hold it and complain like I want to. My hands will shake and you will all have vertigo. So it’s like a billion hours later, and that was a ridiculous amount of paperwork they made us go through. I could have been signing over my soul for all I know.”

Derek snorts in the background.

Stiles sighs and says, “Okay, um, Derek move the camera around a little. Let them see where we are.”

The camera shows a small, comfortable patient room with a lot of lighting, a bed, and some monitors. There are paintings of swamps and ponds pinned to the walls. The camera shows two large computer monitors on Stiles’s other bedside, which is hooked to the equipment on either side of him.

“After we fought through all that paperwork, they put us in this open space called the triage. It’s basically where they take all the preggos and monitor them to make sure the baby is okay. To make sure that _I’m_ okay before I get moved to the next step, which I am in. They’ve been taking my blood pressure, and drawing blood, and sticking me with needles. I’ve been tested, cause they have these tests to make sure my water has broken, and that I’m in actual labor.”

“Stiles got fussy,” Derek says from behind the camera as he stands to show more of the room. “I’ve had to calm him down and apologize to a few of the nurses.” He points the camera back at Stiles.

Stiles is frowning. “That’s because they’ve been treating me like I’m a fraud.”

“It’s standard procedure.”

“My ass,” Stiles retorts. “I’m ready to pop this baby out. We’re in our little humble suite. I’m not sure if you saw the flat screen TV over there, maybe we can pull up some porn channels. Oh, there’s a bathroom over there with a toilet and sink and stand-in shower and everything. You see the small bed over there where they’re gonna put Baby Stilinski-Hale when I have successfully popped them out.” The camera turns to a small machine with knobs and switches and gauges attached to a small container with a baby blanket and other cleaning utensils. “They’ve given us menus for food, even though it’s mostly for my husband because I’m not allowed to eat. Which sucks so bad. I can only have ice chips or whatever. Apparently there are some old horror stories of babies crowning but like their birth parent had diarrhea—”

“Stiles, don’t traumatize your followers,” Derek chastises.

Stiles scoffs. “Can you come over here because I want to walk around?”

“You don’t want to wait until a little longer before the nurse comes back in?”

Stiles winces and inhales sharply. “Nope, because my contractions are 45 minutes apart. We’re playing the waiting game at this point. Just so you know guys, that’s all labor is really, just waiting. And waiting. And nurses and doctors coming in to check up on you. Do you know they take their hand and tell you to take a deep breath before they penetrate—”

“ _Stiles_.”

“Fine, fine.”

**4:37 am**

Stiles is walking slowly down the hall, still hooked up to the IV in his hospital gown, his blue bathrobe, and Chewbacca slippers. He’s smiling widely. “Guys, I’m having a baby! I feel the good energy again. That damn paperwork and all that crap got me down, but you know what? I got my baby popping gear on. I got my favorite husband taking care of me, and I think the labor is starting to go well. It’s picking up.”

“I’m your only husband.”

Stiles looks past the camera and blinks innocently. “What?”

“I said I’m your only husband,” Derek repeats from behind the camera. “I better be.”

“Of course, babe!” Stiles exclaims as they continue a leisure pace down an empty hospital hall. “And anything that I say while I pop out our baby is complete nonsense.”

“What kind of nonsense are we talking?”

“Like if I mention names and dates and times. It’s totally not even a thing and you should definitely not cross reference or petition for a DNA test for the baby,” Stiles says and laughs when Derek tugs his ear. “So, guys, I am just over the moon now because this is really happening! We are in the midst of having a beautiful precious soul in our lives. Whether it’s a boy or whether it’s a girl, doesn’t even factor because it will be ninety-three percent me and like seven percent what’s-his-face.”

“Charming,” Derek dryly comments.

Stiles laughs and bounces on his feet a little.

“Stop shaking my baby,” Derek complains.

Stiles smirks but stops. “That’s been one of his biggest pet peeves throughout my pregnancy. He wants me to walk around like the floor is made of glass.”

“You’re always dancing or trying to run around,” Derek argues.

“That’s kind of true but you know me, I can’t be still,” Stiles admits, and makes grabby hands for the camera. When it’s handed over, he turns it to Derek. “Even though he can be a stick in the mud, he always kinda bends over backwards for me. He’s wearing his bathrobe and slippers too, even though he doesn’t need to.”

Derek is wearing a grey bathrobe over his street clothes and some fuzzy rabbit slippers. “I don’t need to but I want to because you look pretty comfortable and I wanted to be too. Otherwise I’ll just be pacing up and down the hall, anxiously waiting,” he says. Then he looks at the camera. “A few nights ago, Stiles looks at me and says, ‘Let’s have a baby. Let’s just go do it. It’s like a little vacation, except you get a free baby at the end of your stay.’”

Stiles laughs from the other side of the camera, making it shake. “Don’t make fun of me. You’ve been anxious for the baby from the minute my pregnancy tests came back positive,” he points out. “Are you nervous? I feel like you haven’t really expressed how you feel.”

“I’m nervous,” Derek admits as he tucks his hands in his pockets. “But it’s a good nervous. My stomach is in knots, and I’m not even the one in labor.”

“Oh buddy, trust me, if I could transfer it to you, I would,” Stiles remarks. “But one day, right? This isn’t going to be the only addition we add to our brood.”

“Definitely not,” Derek agrees. “I look forward to making you run around, turning on and off the heat or the air conditioner. Or making you clean up vomit in weird places. Did you guys know that Stiles had this thing where he _hated_ to admit that he suffered from morning sickness? He would actually hide it from me.”

“Oh my god, don’t talk about this.”

“One time I found vomit in our DVD player,” Derek says and looks at the camera earnestly as he shook his head. “I can’t even tell you how he’d done it.”

“It was a portable DVD player, which he neglects to mention. Okay? Not like the one you see hooked up to the TV or anything,” Stiles retorts. “I was watching Bambi, babe.”

“You see how he doesn’t even deny it or pretend like it didn’t happened,” Derek points as he laces his fingers and rests it on the crown of his head, elbows sticking out.

“Babe, I was watching Bambi, so like, I cried so much I threw up. Cause you’d already been in the bathroom shaving, and I didn’t want you to see me do it,” Stiles further explains. He turns the camera so it’s facing him. “So he says I didn’t want him to know I was having morning sickness or whatever, but I didn’t want him to see me puke. I wanted to be one of those graceful pregnant parents. Real royal like.”

Derek’s nodding at a passing nurse when the camera’s facing him again. “You are royalty.”

“Aw,” Stiles coos. “My Prince Charming. I have to pee.”

**5:25 am**

Stiles is cross-eyed and sticking out his tongue when the camera turns back on. He fixes his face with smile. “My contractions are picking up again. The nurse asked us to come back to the room so she can check me once more. I’m on my bed with my trusty pillow. They haven’t gotten ahold of Dr. Morrell yet, but I’m not too worried just because it’s still early.” He turns the camera to Derek, who’s sitting in the corner on his phone. “What are you doing?”

“Texting Laura and Lydia,” Derek responds as he looks up. “That way they’ll let everyone know what’s going on. It’s the fastest way to get the word out.”

“This room is going to be jam-packed,” Stiles remarks from behind the camera. “My dad and your mom are going to want to get first dibs though. Complete grandparent privileges.”

“Your dad should hold him or her first,” Derek says as he rubs at the corner of his mouth. “It’ll be his first grandchild. Mom’s a veteran at this point, between Laura and Cora’s millions of kids. She can wait a minute or two.”

“She was super excited when she found out I was pregnant. Cora got so jealous, but not like outright. She kept making subtle jabs,” Stiles says.

Derek huffs as he rakes his fingers through his hair. “Mom’s just always been ready for me to settle down and add to the family. Cora’s just being obnoxious Beta, and she’ll probably be the first that will ask to babysit for us as much as it takes for her to be the favorite aunt.”

Stiles laughs, and the camera shakes a little as he slides out of bed with some struggle. “We have so many people in our life. I think maybe we should create a timetable about who gets to spend what amount of time with Baby Stilinski-Hale. Oh! What if I have twins?”

“There’s only one baby in there,” Derek says, watching him closely as he’s approached.

“Yeah, but what I have triplets?” Stiles presses. “What if they all come out through my chest? Like Alien.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Derek insists as he shoots him a look before answering a text message. “Are you nervous?”

“Yes,” Stiles admits in the background. “I’m nervous cause I’ve read up on all this stuff, and I’m looking around and I know what all the stuff does, but I’m like, you know, my heart is beating. But it’s a good nervous too. I just need to relax. I’m anxious, but you know how I am. I’m just so ready to meet our baby.”

“Me too,” Derek agrees, and leans forward to put his hand on Stiles’s stomach off-camera. He blinks and then he grins before laughing. “You look like you have to pee. Is the baby sleeping?”

“Yes, but the nurse said the baby turned around.”

“It’s in breech position?”

“Yeah,” Stiles says quietly before grunting. “I really don’t want to have a C-section.”

Derek stands to help him to the bathroom. He reappears on camera and he picks it up. “Stiles asked me to keep you guys preoccupied while he’s in the bathroom. I’m not as good at this as he is. It’s easier when he’s around,” he says. “I don’t know if my husband explained why we decided to keep the baby’s gender unknown. We both feel like the experience will be a lot better for it, and it’s definitely fed into our anticipation. With this being our first child, we just want the experience to be as special as possible. I’m so grateful and thankful for my husband and everything he’s given me and I know he’s going to do a phenomenal job today with this delivery.” He stands with the camera and carries it to the computer. He logs into spotify and pulls up some classical music, and it fills the whole room.

 _“Claire de lune!”_ Stiles exclaims in the background.

Derek smiles softly and continues, “My life hasn’t always been easy, and I’ve had my fair share of heartache, but I believe all that was worth it. Simply because it led me to this point in my life. I’m about to have my first child with the man I love more than my own life, and I get to keep doing this for as long as I live. If it’s up to Stiles and I, we’ll try to have our own tribe. I’m happy. I deserve to be happy. It’s my right as an Omega, and as a person to have the happiness I want, despite what society says is the right pairing. I admire how much of an advocate Stiles is for second-gender politics when it comes to love and marriage and children and freedom to love who we want. I know our kids will grow up better for having such a father, no matter what their second-gender is. He makes me a better person and I can’t emphasize that enough.”

 _“Aw, babe, I love you too! You’ve got me crying in here!”_ Stiles calls from the bathroom. _“On a serious note, I’m really hungry. The ice chips are doing anything for me. I might eat this tissue.”_

Derek huffs. He looks into the camera. “We’re going to have a baby today.”

**6:35 am**

“Derek snuck me some donuts,” Stiles says from where he’s sitting in the corner. He grabs the camera and aims away from him to his husband. “They’re powdered donuts and they are the best. I’m still jealous and unsatisfied though, because look at this bullshit.”

Derek’s sitting on the edge of the bed, chowing down on a platter of pancakes, eggs, sausage and oatmeal. He snorts. “Stop making me feel bad,” he says, mouthful of food.

“I want you to feel like the worst person to ever be alive because I’m trying to push out your baby and you get to eat like a king. My breakfast is powdered donuts and pain,” Stiles complains from behind the camera. “You’re supposed to be helping me turn the baby around.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Derek admits, resting his platter on his lap. “Laura helped you with that last time. I don’t know what she did.”

“She just talked to the baby,” Stiles says. “That’s all. Ouch, oh, another contraction. This isn’t fun. They’re still about an hour apart but they don’t feel nice and I don’t think it’s convincing our little angel pie to turn back to where he or she needs to be.”

“I think you’re taking the pain so well,” Derek soothes, and stands, bringing over the tray. “Here, you can eat the rest. But if you get caught or if you poop during the delivery, you don’t get to blame me.”

Stiles laughs off-camera.

Derek reappears and walks back to the bed before he climbs on top and lays down. “I remember when Laura got pregnant when she was a junior in high school, and everyone was so surprised because she's an Alpha, but when she was in labor she was screaming like she was getting stabbed.”

“Oh yeah?” Stiles mumbles. “You gonna give me a demonstration?”

Derek spreads his legs and lifts his knees before he says, in a deep demonic voice, _“Lucifer who is Satan, I call upon thee to remove this little bringer of torture from my womb.”_

Stiles is choking on his laughter. “I can’t breathe, ow, ow, ow, contraction. Oh my god,” he wheezes. “She’s going to kill you when I upload this.”

**7:05 am**

Derek walks over with the camera, aiming it up as he points and says, “These are the fluid bags all connected to Stiles. The nurses came in to check him, and had to hook him up to everything. They want to keep him hydrated, and there’s also some antibiotics up here.” He turns the camera to his husband. “How are you doing?”

“The contractions are getting stronger,” Stiles says as he starts exhaling and inhaling roughly. He’s back in bed and hooked up to the surrounding machines again. He looks a little tired. “They’re also coming on a little faster. Dr. Morrell is finally with us.” He exhales and inhales as he indicates to the silent woman sitting behind the large computer monitors in a lab coat. “You want to say hello, Dr. M?”

Dr. Morrell gives the camera a cursory glance but she flicks her fingers in a graceful wave. “Okay, Mr. Stilinski-Hale, you are about two centimeters dilated, so the good news is that we don’t have to induce you. But the baby is still in the breech position. We want to get it turned around as we move forward, okay?”

Stiles nods and exhales roughly. He’s shaking a little. “This is really starting to hurt.”

“I know, but you’re doing so well, okay? I want you to focus on that,” Dr. Morrell says as she rests a comforting hand on his shoulder. She looks to Derek. “I’ll be back to check on him again. Try to help him turn the baby around. Otherwise, I’ll have one of the nurses prep him for surgery.” She gives a parting nod before she exits the room.

“The baby’s kicking me,” Stiles announces when the camera’s aimed at him again. “So that means he or she is awake. I think the contractions woke the baby up. Dr. Morrell said that I’m starting to have them every fifteen minutes, so we’re definitely getting close but it hurts like hell. I wanted to have a natural birth but I’m starting to think that being drugged is the way to go. Just like, knock me out and wake me up when it’s finished.”

“Don’t say that,” Derek says from behind the camera. “You’d regret not being conscious.”

“Yeah, true,” Stiles admits as he breaks out into a light sweat. “All worth it. All worth it, oh god, fuck, okay. Hold my hand please.” He reaches out and Derek slides closer so he can tangle their fingers together. “Sorry guys. I just wasn’t expecting for it to feel like this.”

“Talk about it,” Derek encourages. “It’ll help. You’ve got a death grip on my hand.”

Stiles laughs shakily and exhales. “So it’s like clenching. I’m not sure what I said earlier when I explained. But it’s like your body’s tightening all in your lower stomach. I can feel it in my bones almost, and my hips.” He pauses and exhales, relaxing with it. “But you know what? I’m starting to feel it in my lower back too. Like in my tailbone. So the weird thing is like, it feels like I have to poop.”

Derek snorts.

“It does!” Stiles insists but he’s smiling. “Okay, I think we have another fifteen minutes or less before my next contraction. So let’s get this baby turned around because no one is cutting open my beautiful body. Derek’s been watching the youtube in preparation. It’s adorable.”

“I hate when you call it ‘the youtube’ like you’re an old person. You’re famous because it. I think it's against the rules to call it that,” Derek says and turns the camera around to face him. “But he’s right. I’d been trying to get ahold of my mom, first of all, just to see if she could give me some advice but like Laura, she’s not picking up. She’s probably still asleep. She does sleep like the dead.”

“You got ahold of Cora.”

Derek makes a face. “I wish I hadn’t. She told me to use my dick.”

Stiles laughs.

“He’s laughing because he approves of that method but I’m not having sex in a hospital,” Derek says dryly. “But anyway, there are some great videos, if any of you are interested, and one of the things they’ll tell you is, if you can talk to the baby, sort of guide it down, that’s the least painful and uncomfortable method. So I’m going to try that.”

“You can give me the camera. I’ll hold it.”

Derek hands over the camera and puts covers on Stiles’s lap so he can lift the hospital gown to expose his pale and amply rounded stomach, which is covered in scattered moles. “Do you know where the head is?”

“I think…” Stiles points to his left side. “Right here.”

Derek lowers his head and begins murmuring to the stomach.

Stiles’s stomach begins to contort and he makes a happy sound. “Babe, the baby’s moving! I can feel it!”

Derek just tosses him a grin and continues to talk quietly.

Stiles turns the camera back to him. “I have no idea what he’s saying but it’s working,” he says as he looks down. “He’s probably either bribing our baby or threatening it.”

Derek snorts.

“My stomach’s huge isn’t it? It’s like it’s own planet,” Stiles comments as he aims the camera to his rounded belly. “I look like I have three babies inside of me. That’s why I won’t be surprised if – _whoa_. I just got kneed in the kidney from the inside.”

“Yeah?” Derek lifts his head and presses his hand to the side of Stiles’s belly. “I’m going to give the baby a little push, because I feel like I almost got them turned around.”

“I can confirm that,” Stiles says.

Derek cups his hand over the small bump of the baby’s head and gently pushes and pushes and pushes.

“Oh, yeah, there it is. My bladder was just head-butted,” Stiles confirms and hands back over the camera. He tries to sit up. “I think the baby’s got your forehead.”

“They should be so lucky.”

Stiles laughs. “I want to walk around some more. I don’t want the baby getting any ideas while I’m in bed. Help me up, Der.”

“I don’t know why I thought you’d stay in one place during all of us,” Derek remarks, amused as he helps Stiles climb out of bed. “You realize you have to haul the monitor around with you, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s not like a lot. It’s just the fluids and this little contraction monitor thingy,” Stiles says as he holds onto it like a walking stick.

**9:19 am**

“There’s a pregnant man following me,” Derek says, keeping the camera on him before he aims it over his shoulder where Stiles is holding onto the rails along the wall in the hallway while he walks. “We’ve been walking for a while now,” he explains. He backtracks. “Do you know how long we’ve been walking?”

“Like an hour maybe,” Stiles says as he glances around. “We passed a few other rooms with some more pregnant parents and they were pretty loud. I might have laughed.”

“He did laugh.”

Stiles makes a face at Derek but he pauses suddenly and hunches over a little bit, pressing a hand to his stomach. He takes a deep breath but it sounds shaky.

“Is it bad one?”

Stiles wordlessly nods and exhales roughly. “They’re six minutes apart now,” he says tightly. “I feel like I’m being stabbed with a butter knife.”

“You want to go back to the room?”

Stiles nods wordlessly.

“Good, because I’m tired of walking around. My feet hurt, and I’m ready to have this baby. I’m sick of all this waiting.”

Stiles laughs shakily. “I should call my dad.”

**10:27 am**

Derek has the camera facing him as he walks down the hall. “So our friends and family are here in the waiting room. Since they can’t come up right now, Stiles asked me to go down and greet them and do a headcount while he takes a power nap.” He turns a corner and aims the camera away as he approaches the waiting area. “This is my older sister, Laura, and her Omega husband, Jordan, and their four kids: Sadie, Tamara, Hailey, and Jack. Say something nice.”

Laura has Jack in her lap and she smiles. “I just want to say congratulations, and I’m so excited and ready to meet my niece or nephew. I know they’re going to be as beautiful as their parents are,” she says.

“I hope you hate sleeping,” Jordan says. He has a sleeping Hailey in his lap, and she’s the spitting image of her father. “Because that’s not going to happen for a while.”

“Do you guys have something you want to say to your cousin, or your uncle?” Derek asks from behind the camera, aiming at Sadie and Tamara, who are the oldest and the spitting image of Laura.

Sadie says, “Please don’t be a boy.”

“I hope you don’t cry a lot because when mommy and daddy brought Jack-Jack home, he cried every single day and no one got sleep which made everyone grumpy and I don’t want Uncle Stiles to be grumpy because then he’ll be no fun,” Tamara says.

“What about you, Jack?” Derek aims the camera to the toddler. “You got anything you want to say?”

Jack shakes his head.

“Are you excited for your baby cousin?”

Jack shakes his head again and hides his face in Laura’s chest.

Derek chuckles but he moves on. “This is my baby sister, Cora, and her Alpha husband Boyd and their six kids. I say six because they cheated by having a set of twins and triplets, and then finally a single child. This is Hannah, Henry, Madeline, Maxine, Marie, and Zachariah.”

“My brother’s jealous because I’m more fertile than he is,” Cora snidely comments, smiling sweetly.

Derek scoffs. “Just say something nice.”

“Name the baby after me,” Cora replies. “Boy or girl. I don’t care.”

“I hope you have a very easy and safe delivery. I hope the baby is healthy and that there are no complications,” Boyd remarks.

“Thank you, Boyd. I maintain that Cora lucked up when she married you.”

Cora flashes her middle finger.

Derek aims the camera to his nieces and nephews. “Do any of you have anything you want to say?”

Zachariah says, “I go against what Sadie said and I totally hope it’s a boy.”

“Uncle Stiles is going to be an awesome daddy,” Maxine says.

Hannah says, “I’ll babysit for money.”

“I’ll babysit for free,” Madeline says.

Henry says, “I don’t like hospitals. People die here.”

“Did you know in some cultures they _eat_ the afterbirth?” Marie says with wide eyes.

“ _Okay_ ,” Derek says. “Moving on. Over here we have all our closest friends clustered together. Lydia, Isaac, Erica, Kira, Allison, Jackson, and Scott. You know the drill, say something nice.”

“He’s just having this baby for attention,” Jackson says and multiple hands reach out to smack him.

Erica says, “Nothing will ever come out of my vagina or penis. I just won't reproduce. The process is gross.”

“Childbirth is a beautiful process and I commend you and Stiles for going through the motions of it,” Isaac says as he pats his own round belly and shoots his blonde friend an offended look.

“This is going to be us really soon,” Allison adds with a wide smile, resting a hand on her Omega husband’s stomach. “Hurry up and upload this video so I know what to expect.”

Scott says, “I never understood why Stiles was so excited when Kira and I were expecting. Now I get it. My best friend’s having a baby. There are no words.”

Kira says, “It’s special because we’re family.”

“I’ve designated myself as godmother,” Lydia decides.

**10:45 am**

“Derek keeps trying to get me to push,” Stiles complains as soon as the camera’s focused on him. He’s back in bed with all his trappings, giant belly bare and exposed, only this time, his legs are in the stirrups. “I like how he comes off as so chill in the beginning and now he’s like ‘Give me my baby, now. Now. I want my baby. Now. Push. Start pushing. I don’t care what the nurse said. You push that little joker right on out.’ You realize you can’t be giving me advice like that? You’re not a medical expert.”

“I don’t sound like that,” Derek retorts from behind the camera as he rounds the bed to Stiles’s other side. “I think the more you wind down, the more I’m wound up. We’re having a baby and I can’t wait.”

Stiles smiles tiredly but he winces, scrunching his eyes and nose. “Oh. _Oh._ Fuck. Derek, it hurts,” he moans as he tries to curl in on himself.

Derek’s hand shoots out and he grabs one of Stiles’s. “I know, I know. You can get through it. You’re strong and beautiful and amazing.”

Stiles bites down on his bottom lip and nods rapidly, teeth chattering as he whines.

**11:23 am**

“They gave me an epidural,” Stiles says, holding the camera to face him. He has a dopey grin on his face. “I still feel like the pressure and the clenching but at the same time I don’t. I’m in heaven. I’m ready to poop out this baby.”

“Don’t say it like that,” Derek says in the background. “We’re almost there. The doctor should be here. You should start pushing in the meantime because your contractions are minutes apart, now.”

Stiles laughs a little and hands the camera over. “You gonna put on some gloves and deliver our baby?”

“If that’s what I have to do, I will do that. It can’t be any different from catching a football.”

Stiles rolls his eyes fondly. “Okay, yeah, no. You’re so not delivering our baby. Get Dr. M because I really feel like I should be pushing. I’m trying not to.”

“I’m here,” Dr. Morrell says, walking into the room with a group of nurses as soon as the words leave Stiles’s mouth. “You ready?”

Stiles nods as he watches them get ready. He reaches out for Derek and folds their fingers together. “My heart is racing,” he admits as he looks at the camera with a nervous smile. “I’m ready but at the same time I’m a little terrified.”

“You’re going to do great,” Derek says from behind the camera. He shifts and leans forward to kiss Stiles’s forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Stiles murmurs back.

**11:50 am**

“…four, five, six, seven, eight, nine…and _ten_. Okay, good, relax for a moment,” Dr. Morrell says in the background. “Take a deep breath.”

Stiles stops pushing long enough to inhale shakily and exhale roughly.

“You’re doing really good,” Derek assures.

“Can you see the baby’s head?” Stiles asks tiredly and snickers when Derek makes a face. “You don’t want to look?”

Derek shakes his head no.

“You’re so lame,” Stiles complains. “Derek Julian Stilinski-Hale, go down there and stare at my business. It’d be rude not to.”

“If you want me conscious, you won’t make me,” Derek replies.

Stiles laughs.

Dr. Morrell says, “Okay, there’s another contraction coming. I want you to push with it okay? The baby’s not crowning yet, but we may be able to achieve it with this one. Grab his hand, Derek.”

Derek nods and does as he’s told.

Stiles takes a deep breath and prepares himself.

“Okay, keep pushing to the ten,” Dr. Morrell instructs. “You can go ahead when you feel it.”

Stiles nods. “I’m ready.”

“Good, here we go. One, two, three, four, five, six, good, seven, eight, keep curling around the baby, nine, and ten. Relax,” Dr. Morrell says in the background.

Stiles gasps for air as he sweats. “I’m melting,” he complains. “I’m going to sleep forever after this.”

“Not yet. Let’s go again while we still have the contraction,” Dr. Morrell advises. “One, two, three, four, I see the head, six, seven, that’s a lot of hair, eight, nine, ten. Good.”

Stiles is shaking at this point.

“You got this,” Derek promises and kisses the back of his hand as he keeps the camera steady. “Just one more push and the baby’s here.”

Stiles nods wordlessly, keeping his eyes closed in concentration.

“One more time,” Dr. Morrell encourages. “Keep going, keep going. Exhale, exhale. Try to relax your face. Try and put all the pressure down here.”

Stiles whines as he pushes and gasps for a breath. “It doesn’t feel good,” he whimpers.

A few of the nurses titter.

“You’re perfect, Stiles. Just a little bit more,” Derek murmurs and kisses the top of his head. “Hardest part is getting the head out, remember? You’re doing so good.”

Stiles whines and pushes. “You’re gonna make me cry. I’m not ready to cry yet,” he complains tightly.

“You’re almost done. Just breathe, and focus,” Dr. Morrell prompts. “Push, push. There we go. Fantastic.”

Stiles exhales in relief and sags against the bed.

Dr. Morrell lays the baby on Stiles’s chest. “Good job, daddy. See there. You did wonderful,” she praises as she starts rubbing the baby down. “A beautiful baby boy!”

Stiles presses a hand to his mouth as tears spill down his cheeks.

“You just had a baby,” Derek says in awe, eyes glistening as well.

Dr. Morrell keeps rubbing him down until he starts to cry.

“Oh my god,” Stiles says shakily. “That’s it, dude. You go ahead and you cry.”

Derek laughs wetly as he watches the nurses assist Dr. Morrell with wiping him down. “Can I cut the cord?”

“Go ahead. He has a lot of it.”

“Hurry up and clean him off. I want to kiss him,” Stiles goes on to say and everyone laughs. “I love you, bro, but you’re covered in gunk.”

“Look at him. He’s so small,” Derek says, aiming the camera as he returns to Stiles’s side. “He’s gorgeous. You did it.” He leans over and gives Stiles a kiss.

It’s wet and messy because they’re both crying.

Their baby boy continues to cry as the nurses take him off to the side to properly clean him.

**12:30 pm**

“Dad, I did good right?” Stiles says as he winks at the camera before turning it to his very full room and aims it on his dad, who’s still holding the baby. “Dad, I did good right? He’s amazing isn’t he? Tell me I’m pretty. I’m jealous of the baby now.”

Everyone laughs.

His dad rolls his eyes and finally pries his eyes away from his grandson. “Yes, Stiles. You did good. He’s perfect.”

“Yes! I knew it,” Stiles exclaims from behind the camera. “It was a piece of cake really. I literally sneezed, and then there he was. Dr. M and the nurses said they’ve never seen anything like it.”

“You’re such a liar,” Erica says off-camera.

“What was that? You want to be banned from the room?” Stiles retorts.

“Be nice,” Talia says as she walks up to his dad. “I think I’ve been patient enough. You’ll have to hand him over.”

His dad pretends to make for the door before he turns with a grin and gently hands his grandson over to his grandmother.

“Anyone want to guess how much he weighs?” Stiles says and moves the camera around.

“I say eight,” Laura says and Jordan nods in agreement.

“Seven point five,” Cora chimes when Boyd whispers in her ear. “Maxine was about his size when he was born.”

“I guess eight point four,” Derek remarks.

Everyone boos him and the baby whines a little.

“Babe, you’re not allowed to guess cause you were literally there!” Stiles laughs and aims the camera at his husband.

Derek’s sitting in the corner with Jack, who’s fast asleep in his lap with Isaac to his right, keeping off his feet at the request of his Alpha wife. Derek is also on both his and Stiles’s phone. “I think my job has been the hardest so far. I’m sending out group messages and pictures and posting to social media sites,” he says, grinning jokingly. “You think this has been hard for him? I’m stressed out.”

“Oh whatever!” Laura exclaims from across the room.

Everyone laughs.

Lydia moves and sits next to Stiles on the bed.

“I’m bored,” Stiles says as he aims the camera back to Talia with Allison and Kira pressed to her sides as they stare down at the baby. “Make him do stuff. Does he do any tricks yet? Can I tickle him yet? Can I throw him yet?”

Lydia shushes him off-camera.

“He’s so soft,” Talia comments proudly as she kisses his nose. “And so big.”

“He’s going to be ripping trees from the ground. This is his future. I have decided this,” Stiles jokes.

“No,” Derek says.

“Dude, he’s such a buff baby,” Scott agrees while all the little Boyd-Hales and Parrish-Hales kiddies try to climb all over him like a tree as he just grins. “You really pushed him out? That’s amazing.”

“What can I say? I’m a natural,” Stiles says. “God. I just made a person.”

“How do you feel?” Lydia asks and waves when the camera gets turned to her.

“I’m kinda shaky but I’m good,” Stiles admits from behind the camera. “What do you think of him?”

“He’s perfect, of course,” Lydia scoffs. “I always said that you and Derek’s genes are well-matched.”

“Did you name him yet?” Jackson asks in the background.

“Noah,” Derek responds.

“Cora would have sounded better,” Cora comments. “But I guess Noah will do.”

“So glad that we have your approval,” Stiles says wryly before he turns the camera to face him. “Well guys, that’s it. Joy to the world, Baby Stilinski-Hale has come. As you can see, he’s fine, and I’m fine. I still can’t believe I had baby. I think it just really needs to sink in. Thank you so much for watching, and I promise to upload something as soon as we get Noah settled in at the house. Right now I just want to get loved up by my husband and our family and friends, and maybe take like three long ass naps. Be sure to like and comment below, and also subscribe if you like what you saw. Bye. Everyone say bye.”

“Bye!” Everyone waves as the camera passes over them.

Stiles turns off the camera and smiles. His most perfect entry yet.

**Author's Note:**

> http://whatshouldntbe.tumblr.com - #blacklivesmatter


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